Falling in love is euphoric; you are constantly happy and excited at the thought of seeing your partner. You do things that you wouldn’t normally do, feel things you don’t normally feel and you are so happy sometimes, you just cry.
Haaa, the sweet beginning of love. When patience and kindness came so easily.
First comes love, then marriage.
Initially in marriage, you are so excited to be with this awesome human being; and as the case is when you fall, you eventually get up. The bloom starts to wear off.
You begin to settle into a life together, become so used to each other and being so caught in your everyday lives; you get comfortable enough to be your true self every time.
Unfortunately, this discovery of your true selves can be quite irritating at times. Those habits that you used to love from a distance are really annoying when it’s close-up. You begin to notice sloppy table manners, bad fashion sense, illogical reasoning.
You know that famous line of “irreconcilable differences”, I believe it’s a vicious cycle that starts from unresolved irritations. When this is not nipped in the bud, you keep getting triggered faster by future irritating and annoying situations.
You can start the process of ending this vicious cycle using the following 6 ways:
Accept responsibility for your part in the cycle. This is not a blame game because you are not responsible for how your partner acts but you are responsible for the response you give to those “irritating habits”. What you see as annoying might just be inconsequential to your partner simply because it was the norm in his own family when he was growing up. And when you “explode” over it, he sees you as being irrational and wonders what the fuss is all about.
Talk to your partner to understand the reason why. Like I said earlier, your partner might see nothing wrong in his actions and in actual fact, it is really how you see it that is causing the issue. Now if it is a universally accepted bad behaviour, talk to your husband to know why he acts like this. We are Christians and the Bible tells us in Galatians 6:2 “to bear one another’s burdens”.
Is it something you can overlook? In the grand scheme of things, would talking loudly at parties make God fall off His throne or throw the earth out of orbit? The truth is when you constantly complain about your husband’s behaviour to him, you have become annoying too, and this too adds to the problems and makes your marriage look like a war zone.
Instead of criticism, practice humility. When you complain and criticise frequently, it says more about you than it does your husband. When you start getting irritated, pause and take a look at yourself. Am I taking my husband’s behaviour personal? Is my husband really that bad? When was the last time my husband nagged me over a bad habit I know I have?
We are all work-in-progress and being graceful would go a long way.
Remember that your husband is not your enemy. Your job (together with your husband) is to establish God’s kingdom on the earth; that won’t be possible if you are always at loggerheads and you are going through life guided by how you feel.
Take time out, consecrate yourself to God and meditate on what it means to be one.
Continue to fellowship with the Holy Spirit, so that the fruit of the Spirit will be evident in your life. I believe that we can only reach the height of our potential in all of life’s endeavours when we allow the Holy Spirit to flow through us unhindered.
Writer: Olamide Adeyemi