All posts tagged: #love

Fearless Giving Overcomes The Fear of Lack!

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“Give more generously till you overcome your fear for having nothing, or your greed for having more.”

One of our greatest fears is not having enough – or needing help and discovering that you lack sufficient resources. This fear is magnified when it relates to financial resources or other material things. This is why you may find your first instinct is to keep what you have instead of giving it to someone in need. Fact be told, it sounds counterintuitive to give generously when it looks like everything is falling apart or is going to fall apart. When you are afraid of the future or unsure about the present, your instinct is to do all that is possible to ensure a sense of security in your life. This is understandable.

However, this isn’t as much about the fear of losing material possessions as the fear of “giving” itself. Broadly speaking, there are two kinds of people – those that think in terms of abundance and the others that think in terms of lack. This is not referring to how much money they have in their bank accounts or how much assets they have in their name. It’s about a mindset. There are those that have trained themselves to see an abundance around them and there are others who cannot help but fear that whatever they have will not be enough. Therefore, they hoard or greedily accumulate more.

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How do you know what mindset you fall under? Do a quick self-check – In the past few weeks, have you been grateful for what you have, appreciative of others, been filled with a knowing that there is enough for everyone, celebrated other people, been generous, thought about how you can serve others and been truly happy? Or have you been ungrateful, judgmental of others, thought there was not enough to go round, jealous or envious of others, fearful and anxious, or mostly thinking “what is in it for me?”.

Perhaps from reading all that was just laid out, you can tell which category you fall into. If you find that you fall into the ‘lack’ mindset, determine today not to continue in it. Dear one, your life is worth more than the things you fear may not be enough. It is not worth it to continue living in fear of lack.

Recognize that you are loved and start to practice loving people. Dear woman, as you draw even closer to your heavenly Father, you’ll begin to see how He is enough for you. Even more, practice loving people by giving. This does not refer to giving money alone, your time too is valuable. Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due when it is in your power to act (Prov. 3:27). Give compliments, give smiles, give words of encouragement, give your talents. Give, what you have when you have it, and give thanks while at it. As you do these things intentionally, you’ll watch fear and greed melt away from your life. Give more generously till your overcome your fear for having nothing, or your greed for having more.

Article written by: Ifeoluwa Shoola

Citations: parameters for abundance or lack mentality culled from www.habitsforwellbeing.com

DIWPRTEAMFearless Giving Overcomes The Fear of Lack!
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TO NAG OR NOT TO NAG!

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Portrait of mixed raced couple having relationship difficulties against white background

Portrait of mixed raced couple having relationship difficulties against white background

I felt like screaming out my lungs as I was tired of reiterating the same thing again and again. Why can’t we just be on the same frequency, why do I have to go high pitch while he stays on the low pitch frequency. This is so exasperating, gosh!
Have you ever had this type of communication with your spouse, where you feel you and your spouse are not on the same wave length as regards various matters? Have you ever wondered why you need to ask yourself the question, “to Nag or not to Nag”, especially when you feel nagging gets a lot of things done just because they do not want to keep hearing your voice in their heads.
Nagging, that age-old art of bugging — er, gently reminding — someone to do something over and over again, insinuates itself into most relationships. “It’s more common than adultery and potentially as toxic, so why is it so hard to stop nagging?”
Good question. Psychologists say it boils down to faith. One person fears the other won’t follow through, and that compels her to keep asking her partner to complete the task. Her partner, in turn, gets annoyed, which doesn’t make him incredibly likely to want to cooperate… and the cycle begins.
I know it’s hard to stop nagging, but you can’t possibly keep this up. Your home is supposed to be a sanctuary for all who dwell therein. You come in with your fussing, arguing and fighting and it takes away the sanctity within your household and automatically turns your home into a chaotic mess.
The question is: have you ever sat down to analyze what it truly means to communicate and ensure the entire purpose of communicating is fulfilled without getting to the tipping point of nagging? Well, I think it is important to plan ahead when we ask ourselves “to nag or not to nag…”

Here are a few tips to letting go of the urge to nag and letting love bloom in our marriages.
1. Pray, meditate and become one with yourself
Being one with yourself means that you are clear about your intentions and the kind of home you wish to build. One of peace, relief, fun and love…not tension, fights, accusation and nagging.
You have to be spiritually aware of the chaos that you are causing within your home and your relationship. All of that fussing and fighting is giving the Devil a VIP invite into your home. That’s why you should say a prayer over your home, open your door and escort the Devil right out.
2. You’re not right; you’re just angry
‘Nagging isn’t smart; it’s an expression of negative emotion’, says psychologist Robert Meyers. Though anger may be justified and borne out of serious concern for your partner—you should know one thing: Nagging doesn’t work.
3. To the person being nagged: Just do it!
News flash for those being nagged: it takes two to tango. If you’re annoyed that your partner won’t quit bugging you about picking up your wet towels after you shower, then here’s a suggestion: “Just do it,” says Nike. “I mean, if it is only going to take five minutes then what’s the point of fighting and bringing disharmony to the house?”

4. To the nagger: Let it go
Rather than rant and rave to your spouse or beloved one more time about leaving their clothes on the room floor, why not just pick them up and get on with your day? Is the hassle of another supercharged argument really worth its weight of clothes on the floor? Nope.
5. Enjoy your relationship
Stop trying to look for something wrong. Just take the time to appreciate each other. Life is too short to worry about the future mistakes that are yet to happen and too complicated to worry about the past mistakes. Do things that make both of you happy now, so that you can have happy memories later.
It’s an investment in positive emotion that will pay off. Building up a bank of positive [emotion] is really important to relationships. We make the analogy to a bank account where if you’ve got a lot of money in the bank, pulling out some thousands isn’t going to hurt. But if you don’t, pulling out One Thousand Naira is really going to hurt.”
6. Breathe
Whenever the unforeseen comes up, just take a deep breath. Your spouse didn’t take the trash out like you asked him to. Instead he’s lying in bed sleeping like a baby. Breathe and take the trash out yourself and don’t say anything. When he gets up looking for the overflowing garbage can, he finds a nice note instead. “Hey Babe, you were sleeping so well, I took the trash out for you. Get your rest. I’ll make dinner when I get home. Love You!”
Sit back and watch his reaction. If you change, then so will he. Just like Sir Isaac Newton said, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. You just may come home to a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a wonderfully made dinner.
7. Stay active
Keep yourself busy with fun activities you enjoy, family and friends. You do this so that you’re not at home worried about what he’s doing when the two of you are not together. An idle mind is the devil’s playground, so stay positively busy.

8. Have some fun, Mr. and Mrs. Smith!
If you and your partner are bickering and fighting more than laughing and talking, do something radical and productive: have fun together. Forget about crumbs, damp towels, not taking out the trash and reconnect with one another as loving partners in a relationship rather than as irritated roommates.
9. Communicate!
Wow, right?! There are couples who’ve been together for years and they don’t communicate. They talk and do fun things together, but they don’t communicate. The misconception is that talking and communicating is the same thing. Wrong! One has a deeper meaning than the other. To talk is to engage in speech. To communicate is to share or exchange information, views and ideas. I can talk to a dog, but the way we communicate is by actions. We need both in order to understand each other. If you’re in a relationship where you spend more time arguing than actually communicating, then this is a real problem that needs to get fixed immediately. You have to be open to receiving and understanding what the other person has to say.
Close your mouth, open your ears and listen. Seek to understand rather than to be understood. Don’t be on the defensive every time.
When next you get to a point of “to nag or not to nag”, take a deep breath and ask yourself if at the end of the day, the result from nagging is really worth it.

Writer – Olusola Amu

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BUILDING A NAKED MARRIAGE

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“You must ensure you go to bed naked every night.”
Those were the words my marriage counsellor spoke to my fiancé (now husband) and I a few weeks before we got married. Of course, we giggled because we were sure she was talking about sex, and “holy” people like us did not want to talk about it. She then proceeded to explain further, as the deep woman she is, that it is more than being physically naked but being able to always bare it all with each other.
Marriage should be a safe place for a man and his wife to be naked and unashamed emotionally, spiritually, financially and physically.

The Man said, “Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh! Name her Woman for she was made from Man.” Therefore, a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh. The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame. – Genesis 2:23-25 (MSG)

The physical aspect of “nakedness” in marriage is quite easy but the other ones not so much. In fact, there can be a high level of sexual intimacy in marriage, while the level of openness is very low. I understand why people would not want to “expose themselves” to this man they’ve promised their lives to; because when you become naked in front of another, shame is the result when that person chooses to mock you based on what you just said.
How then can we let go of the fear and shame and embrace this deep vulnerability with our spouses?

Accept that God is good and that He loves you.

This should be like the easiest thing for a Christian but it isn’t. We believe God is good but sometimes we don’t believe He is good to us because something is “wrong” with us right now. Never accept the lie that God is not good; He is working out the issues of your life. The seasons of life cannot change the character of God.

Know the source of your strength.

It takes strength to be vulnerable as a woman especially emotionally and financially; well, it was for me. But please realize that you have a High Priest (that is, Jesus) who is in touch with you and knows how you feel. We know from the Bible that Jesus exposed Himself to humanity, because of our salvation, He chose to walk among us and be human. The source of your strength is the Holy Spirit and He is your ultimate covering; just as He was with Christ on earth, so He is with you always. Rest in Him.

Pray to receive God’s strategy for your marriage.

I was going to give you 5 ways to develop intimacy in marriage but you see, every marriage is unique and with its own purpose. What works for me might be disastrous for you.
As we have been repeatedly told in Deborah’s Initiative for Women (DIW), press into God and let Him give you His own strategy for your marriage. As you receive, act on it immediately – intimacy is not something that can be achieved overnight; it is a lifelong process of being increasingly at ease with each other without fear or shame.

Be kind to yourself and take responsibility.

So, you messed up last week and shame has its claws in you already; you hid the money that just dropped into your account or you’ve been having it good at work but you still need to guilt your husband into doing some things, so you refused to share. Do the needful – forgive yourself and then open up. Remember that your ultimate covering is God.

Reject the lies!!!

Immediately the two of them did “see what’s really going on”—saw themselves naked! They sewed fig leaves together as makeshift clothes for themselves. – Genesis 3:7(MSG)

Fear brings torment, it robs us of peace and pushes us into living an illusion. Adam and Eve believed a lie, they acted on the lie and saw that they did not need to be naked with each other anymore. These days we hear all sorts of crazy things and social media has exposed us to some of the most horrible marriages ever and some of us have started believing the lies, and we are hiding ourselves from our spouses.

The Word of God remains the standard for every aspect of our lives including our marriages.

Article Written by Olamide Adeyemi

DIWPRTEAMBUILDING A NAKED MARRIAGE
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